Watching
by saye0036
Summary: For over 10 years M watches Bond become the best agent she has...but he is watching too.
1. Chapter 1

Watching

_Some dialogue comes directly from the films and is in italics._

Chapter 1

May 2001

A group of recruits work out in the gym as M and her assistant, Villers observe from the elevated walkway.

"Any particular prospects you brought me to see Villers?"

"There are three from the Royal Navy that are worth noting. David Powell, Richard Lowe and James Bond."

"Well...point them out. There are 20 men down there I will need a few more specifics if I am to watch them."

"Bond is the blonde on the left, Powell the completely shaved one and Lowe the shorter man on the far right with dark hair."

They watch the practice for a while...M's eyes moving over the three candidates. Suddenly as if he could feel her watching the blonde...James Bond looks up and his eyes seem to meet hers.

Bond's mouth seems to smirk as his takes his current partner, adversary on the field and tosses him over on to the ground. He then dusts off his hands and straightens his shirt and hair all while looking up at her.

"Well that Bond is full of arrogance isn't he."

"Yes ma'am. Would you like him removed from contention?"

"No...no of course not...that is the type of man MI6 needs. If he survives the 3 months of training. I want a psychological evaluation on my desk shortly there after."

"Yes ma'am."

"If he passes to my expectations we will make him a junior agent."

"But I thought you were recruiting for 00's M?"

"Oh...I am but that arrogant whelp needs to learn his place and work for it first."

"You got that he is arrogant just from a glance?"

"Yes and I want his dossier on my desk this afternoon."

"Yes M. I will get right on it."

Of the three men she just watched fighting, Bond was the only one that struck her...there was something about that smirk...then going in for the kill.

That is what it takes to be a 00 and survive.

His looks out did any other on the field, and it is certainly not due to any predilection towards tall blond men. She always preferred the dark chestnut curls of her husband, but the intense allure of James Bond was palpable from even a distance.

M will keep a close watch on Mr. Bond and see what he makes of the chances she gives him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

James Bond wants out of the Navy and into SIS. He has the skills he just needs the chance.

Rumour has it that the head of six will be coming to watch the recruits today.

Rumour also has it that M's a woman.

Bond has got this in the bag.

M is an older woman...married he hears but he would never stoop to seducing her to get the job. It doesn't hurt that he looks the part of a dashing secret agent.

Perhaps M will seduce him...as a test. That would be fine with him...he will go to any lengths to get this job.

Some of the others joke about her...saying that she is an attractive 50 something, battle-axe and cold as ice.

It doesn't take long for him to spot her on the observation platform. She looks at him then off to some others. Bond knows who the other two are that are up for it also.

The Royal Navy instructors pulled the three of them into the office to say that their names had been passed along.

Bond waits until her eyes hit his again...like an electric blue flash her eyes are like a cat's...very intense. He smirks and tosses Tom to the ground behind him.

That does it, she speaks to her lap dog and the mousy looking man writes down something as she purposefully walks off leaving the poor chap to catch up with her.

She is short and curvy...a short shock of blonde hair in the style of a much younger woman. M stands rigidly, very self important as she surveys the men.

Bond thinks she has a handsome face, startling eyes and very nice legs in that black power suit she wears. Not at all dowdy for one that is of the age of his mother... had she lived.

So this is the woman that will pull his strings if he impresses her enough to make the cut.

Somehow the thought of M as his boss, makes him smile. Charming the woman will be amusing. He will remain respectful...she earned that job somehow and he sincerely doubts that she earned it on her back.

Hell she may have been a 00 herself back in the cold war.

Picturing M at 25, small and unsuspecting...likely fluent in many languages and charming...he daydreams about what she was like.

Hopefully the call will come soon and he can put all this extra training to good use.

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

May 2005

M has been watching Bond try to prove himself capable for years. Their meetings are laced with his bumbling attempts to flatter her...almost flirtatious at times, damn him.

After M's first view of Bond training, she made him a junior agent. He excelled at everything and made it damn clear that he was meant to be a 00 to everyone with ears.

Bond's arrogance will be his undoing and she keeps him at bay for a long time. Forcing him to use patience and his brain to solve problems rather than his body and gun.

M wants him to be her perfect agent.

Since M first glimpsed Bond's file, even without a psych evaluation M knew it would be him.

Over the years there have been occasional hints of these special qualities in other agents but never one that could achieve everything with charm grace and brutal efficiency.

Orphans always make the best recruits.

It is her hope that James will become her best, her legacy to the department. He is charming and by all reports he has slept with half the female staff at the office...it has caused a few cat fights in the process.

This is why Bond is on his way to her office now.

Discipline...not soiling your own bed is the lecture of the day. Any disruption of the workplace is unacceptable and Bond needs to learn this.

In all honesty the man is an annoyance but there is something about him.

If she were only younger….what...what would she do...let him take her over a desk for a few moments of pleasure as he walks out the door with a face like a cat that got the cream as he moves on to the next younger woman.

No.

No that is not her life...that has never been her life.

M has always obeyed the rules...did more than they ever expected she could do...rose higher and without having to go on her back for anyone.

There were a few groping hands, some uncomfortably close dances at functions and attempts to corner her alone. She always managed to evade them and spoke nothing of them...proving she could be trusted with secrets.

It was always a calculated risk...but if anyone ever took it to far now, she could have them killed. Well, now she's a postmenopausal dwarf...so the offers are few and far between.

The moniker of the Queen of Numbers or Ice Queen are excellent deterrents for staff members foolishly attempting anything remotely like seduction at this point.

Nigel is all the man she has ever needed...or so she thought.

Now...there is James Bond...the man of her late night secret fantasies, ever since she watched him in that training room years ago.

M cannot help but inwardly sigh when she thinks about him wrestling other men all hot and sweaty…

Damn her imagination!

Olivia Mansfield loves her husband...he is kind, caring and a wonderful lover...but...they have been together almost 40 years...two children and two affairs on his part have created what they have today.

They still make love whenever she is not dead tired, and very late home from work. Unfortunately, that too has declined with age.

Olivia often wonders if Nigel knows that there is someone at work.

Someone who inspires her...physically.

There are days...days when she has to deal with Bond that she almost drags Nigel to their bed the second she walks in the door.

Nigel calls them her animalistic nights...he does not complain or say anything further...safer to stay silent on his part, for fear of having the pleasure end.

Nigel for his part gives it his all when she is in one of her moods...he tries to keep up as best he can and is agreeable to any of her sexual suggestions.

There is no feeling of guilt on her part...screwing her husband into the mattress all the while picturing another...is not cheating after all.

Not like Nigel did with the two sluts he took up with years ago...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Nigel's first affair was the worst...the bloody nannie. The children were so young and M had to work so hard to achieve what she wanted in special branch. To come home early and catch the two of them...in their bed.

It almost ended there and he swears it was only a month...the nannie left that night with panic in her eyes. The woman has no idea, to this day, just how close she came to dying that night.

M still knows her exact location...and that of her children and extended family.

The next woman was actually more dangerous...she was a mistress, and they were far older by this point and the children grown up and off at university. Nigel was left bored with M at work all the time, so his body and mind wandered to another.

Evelyn Forbes was her name and it went on a full year and caused her divorce and nearly ended M's marriage also.

M knew but did nothing about it. It was in China when they lived there while Olivia took control of station H.

Evelyn was in Hong Kong with her future ex-husband, Samuel and that is where it began. Nigel was threatening to leave her because of a misunderstanding with an agent he thought she was sleeping with. She begged him to stay and never mentioned Evelyn or that she knew of the affair.

It was not the case but M turned a blind eye to the affair as long as he stayed and played his part in social settings with her. The cultural differences made Nigel's presence essential in many situations.

It was not that Nigel was not affectionate towards her still...if anything the guilt he felt for cheating on her made him more attentive.

M never let on that she knew until they came back to Britain and she began grooming to take the top spot at MI6.

Once confronted Nigel broke it off with Evelyn and they have lived in peaceful harmony since.

Peace and harmony do not describe her feelings towards James Bond…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Over the years when they have been in direct contact with each other Bond has done his best to push her buttons subtly while still remaining respectful.

As time has progressed M sees him trying to get away with more and more. M has a mission the she thinks will be perfect for him but it will try his patience...he will need to be on this case for at least 9 months.

Although it will be difficult and challenging for him...it will be difficult for her also. In all honesty, she will miss the accidental meetings in the halls of MI6.

M is positive he arranges accidental collisions with her just so she will see him...remind her of his presence...as if she needed any help in that department.

Bond is not far from her thoughts as she watches over some of the training...mission preparedness drills, swim and scuba training. After catching Bond in his swim trunks on more than one occasion she flushed like she was reliving hot flashes that had subsided long ago.

M sighs internally. The smug blonde agent that she has to scold for working his way through half the female employees is arriving soon.

M will scold him for his actions and give him a project to accomplish in order to earn this important 9 month mission in South Africa.

Bond is late...M buzzes Ms. Grace, her current secretary...they never quite make it.

M is having difficulty keeping a secretary, they usually they end up late a few days because they are in bed with James Bond...after that...she gets rid of them.

M needs one that is more interested in her career than becoming another notch in James Bond's belt.

BUZZ

M taps her fingers on her desk impatiently.

"Rather than having the meeting with Bond at your desk...I suggest you escort him into me right away Ms. Grace."

Her door opens in haste and a blushing secretary can barely meet her steely gaze.

"That will be all Ms. Grace. Please go to the restaurant have your lunch and bring me mine."

"Yes ma'am."

The door closes and James smiles at her walking towards her desk.

"Sit down...James and wipe that flirtatious smile off your face. I am not Ms. Grace nor am I a complete idiot to fall for your charms."

James sits and frowns at the verbal attack. "No offence meant ma'am I was just happy to see you and you look lovely as usual M."

M scoffs and shuffles some files on her desk. "You may not think that after this."

Bond frowns, "something wrong M?"

"It has not escaped my attention that you spend a great deal of your time here seducing members of my staff. Who you screw on your own time outside of the workplace is none of my business. However, sneaking off to the med lab or broom closet with my secretary is my business. You screw with my life...I will do the same favour."

As M said it she realized the way it sounded...she silently curses herself and Bond's smirk indicates that he picked up on it also.

"That is more than fair M...in fact I look forward to it."

M levels a glare at him and feels a flush rising in her face despite trying to stop it...damn body responses.

"Bond...if I hear about any more of your sexual adventures at the office I will send you to Antarctica for a year...do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good. Now to test your seriousness for a mission, I want you to create a detailed mission plan based on the information in this file. You have a week and it must be worked on only in your office...this file does not leave the building. In that time, no female visitors to your office, nor you sneaking off to supply closets, or God forbid the toilet for a short tryst."

"Short? M, these personal attacks hurt. What about you visiting my office...is that allowed? After all, you are a woman."

"Bond...I obviously don't count and you should not even consider me a member of the opposite sex."

"M...that would be impossible. Is there any particular reason you want to hide yourself behind a sort of gender neutral identity?

M frowns, "Bond you should never attempt such flirtations with me. Stop pushing the boundaries of sexual harassment in the workplace and stick to the job at hand. You have until next Friday...can you manage?"

Bond frowns for a second, "I can manage M and don't sell yourself short."

"What?"

Bond takes the file and stands as he hears her secretary return with her lunch.

"I observe for a living M...and you hide your femininity behind a steely mask of ice to intimidate...but you are so much more than a _evil queen of numbers._"

"Just accomplish the work and stay out of my staff, dismissed."

Bond smirks at her and salutes as he leaves.

M turns in her chair and looks out the window...damn he is perceptive. It gave her chills to have him turn that disarming gaze to her...it was not overtly sexual but those eyes...they seem to penetrate her...as if can glimpse her soul.

Bond will never know...know how much he thrills her, to a level that even her darling Nigel cannot.

James Bond will be her next 00 agent if he can concentrate on the task at hand and stop letting sex distract him...that is one thing that a 00 cannot afford...distractions.

M sighs and nibbles on the lunch, her soon to be ex-secretary just gave her.

M should heed her own advice and stop daydreaming about being that secretary and getting lost in James Bond's embrace.

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Note: _Dialogue directly from the movie is in italics_.

For the next year Bond works harder than any other to accomplish the tasks M gives him. He even stops screwing her secretaries and now merely flirts with them incisively.

Now his trysts are in hotels nearby during lunch or when M goes to a meeting elsewhere. Bond thinks she does not know about his habits, but she wouldn't be M if she didn't know.

Bond is playing with the staff still and the turnover increases whenever he is in country for any extended period of time.

M has delegated the firing of Bond's women to her chief of staff, Bill Tanner. She is tired of dealing with Bond's slighted lovers and makes it mandatory for him to be tested for disease every month.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond obeys M's rules about women at work...for a while. Now meets most of the women in bars but even that has become messy. They want his number and something more than a one-off with a handsome stranger.

All the ones he entertains from work end up fired by Tanner. Bond like the man and he both pities and envies Tanner for being around M all the time.

Bond has on occasion used a high scale escort service...because they know better than to ask too many questions.

In all honestly only one woman will ever rule his life, and she is completely unavailable to him. So immune from any of his flirtations that she ruins all the fun in flirting.

Bond loves to get women to flirt back and other than a few slips of the tongue that may be construed as sexual, M is a pillar of ice to his particular heat.

M plays the bitch act so well that Bond almost gives up on their flirtatious wordplay. M is a cold piece of ice most times, until he sees her outside the office...it was a precious glimpse, when she did not know he was there and she was not M...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One evening Bond is out with an old Royal Navy friend and they meet in a nice upscale Italian place.

They sit at the bar deciding whether or not to order when a familiar voice hits him and he turns to see something that shocks him to his very core.

M, smiling and laughing with a tall handsome gentleman. By the way the man has his hand on her back and touches her, as he removes her coat, he is her husband or her lover.

Whichever is irrelevant, but they are definitely lovers.

Bond spends the evening watching her as he catches up with his friend. The way she is with her date is so opposed to the woman that they all see at work that it is like watching a play with a master actress acting out the role of an enchanting woman...not the role of M.

So compelling is the act, that Bond's friend finally comments on his inattentiveness.

"Do you know that woman Bond? You haven't slept with her have you?" Gordon laughs.

Bond answers without even thinking.

"I wish."

Gordon looks shocked.

"Sorry mate...you have changed. I never thought I would see a day when the great James Bond was struck dumb by any woman let alone one that could be his mother."

Bond frowns and tosses some bills on the bar.

"Well I guess you don't really know me at all. Let's get out of here."

"Are you sure Bond...don't you want to go ask the old gal for her number first? Or are you scared of the old man?"

"I don't need her number and stop being an ageist ass Gordon...she is…"

"What? A doll...she's a looker...I can totally see that. She was probably killer sexy 20 years ago but there are so many beautiful young ones in here looking at you and I don't think you noticed a single one."

"Girls...all searching for something I can never be for them."

"And the old doll? What could you be for her Bond?"

"I could be her best."

"Her best what?"

"Everything."

"Never happen mate...she's married and hasn't even noticed you once, and with you...that's a bloody record."

They leave as Bond thinks on what Gordon said. Bond is arrogantly use to a lot of female attention...she didn't look beyond her date.

An overwhelming feeling of jealousy rises in his chest. Why can't she see him? Why does she always seem to look straight through him in her office...or the corridors at work? Bond tries to get her to notice him...but she only seems to see him in the negative...only his screw ups.

When Bond accomplishes a job well, on time with limited fuss, M merely waves an elegant hand and dismisses him with a nod and the barest ghost of a smile.

Who is that man, her husband?

Bond witnessed her smile at him...it was startlingly seductive when she looked at him...christ they are likely going to make love when dinner is over and they get home.

Pulling off clothing as they make their way to the bedroom...lucky bloke. Why does this even remotely bother him? She is just his boss...bitchy...know it all...queen of MI6.

Bond now has a mission. He wants to find out everything about her and he knows where to start. Q has known her for years and he is the only one at work that Bond has seen that can put a smile on her face.

Q knows everything about her...it will all be in her file. Bond just needs Q to teach him how to hack into it...without realizing that he is teaching him how to hack into M's file.

First things first, they hit a pub because Bond needs to find a short blonde bedmate for this evening. To distract his mind and remove M from the aroused by the boss, part of his psyche.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

May 2006 _Casino Royale:_

"_Who the hell do they think they are! I report to the Prime Minister and even he is smart enough not to ask me what we do. Have you ever seen such a self righteous bunch of ass covering prigs. They don't care what we do, they care what we get photographed doing._

_And How in hell could Bond be so stupid, I give him 00 status and he celebrates by shooting up an embassy! Is the man deranged and where the hell is he? In the old days if an agent did something that embarrassing he'd have the good sense to defect….christ I miss the cold war."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

M arrives home late and rides the lift to her penthouse flat. Nigel is likely in bed already and she is exhausted after explaining the antics of Bond to that bloody committee of ass covering prigs.

Bond is off licking his wounds likely too scared to call in and face her in the office.

The second the lift opens she smells him…

What the hell is he doing in her home! How did that smarmy bastard get in...where is Nigel? All this passes through her thought in a second.

She instantly lets into him about the botched mission.

"_You shot up and Embassy just so you could kill a nobody! We wanted to question him not to kill him! For god's sake!"_

She sits down in front of him. Looking directly in his eyes trying desperately to get him to understand.

"_Bond, this may be too much for a blunt instrument to understand, but arrogance and self awareness seldom go hand in hand."_

"_So you want me to be half monk, half hit-man."_

"_Any thug can kill. I want you to take your ego out of the equation and to judge the situation dispassionately."_

Bond nods and leaves...thinking all the while about what she said...to judge the situation dispassionately. Is that how she does it...removes her passion from work. To come home to the husband sleeping upstairs.

All her passion is saved for him...her outlet...her other life...the life he can never bloody well have!

Seems beyond a little unfair, but then he does not know enough about her past to know what she has given up...did she settle for the professor upstairs or is he a beard for her work?

How good an actress is she? The two of them out for dinner did not appear to be an act...it seemed genuine, the affection the smiles, the way he caressed her hand on the table and they way she looked at him.

M's date that night...the one that is never far from his mind is her husband. The pictures here in her posh flat prove that.

Bond needs to prove he is right on this...he will be her best.

Trust...the argument is all about trust and the two of them are not there yet...they dance around trust but do not truly have it yet. This relationship is new to both of them...she gave him 00 now he must earn her trust.

James Bond will be the best she could ever have but he has to earn it first. He wonders how much of himself he will lose trying to be what she wants him to be?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

M comes to him in the Bahamas and chips him after he galavants after a lead without permission. He was following his gut instinct and she chides him for it while giving him a report on what she dug up after his lead ended up dead on a beach.

"_I would ask you if you could remain emotionally detached, but I don't think that's your problem, is it Bond?_

"_No."_

"_Don't worry about keeping in touch. We'll know where you are."_

"_You can stop pretending. You knew I wouldn't let this drop, didn't you?_

M turn towards him...he is a perceptive one...so dangerous her beautiful spy...leaving a trail of dead and upset slighted women behind him with little remorse...one day it will catch up with him...as it has with her. She is bloody old enough to know better, than to let him get too close.

"_Well I knew you were you."_

M has always kept her distance with the agents...but Bond is insidiously creeping under her skin to a grossly inappropriate level. She needs to distance herself from him.

M seems to glow in sunlight...Bond can see that the sun agrees with her. His heart beats harder in his chest and not just because of the dressing down. He continues to flirt with his eyes and body language because verbal flirting has little or no affect on her...very rarely does she rise to his baiting and tosses it back in his face.

The rare occasions that she has have made him more strung out than triumphant that he made her play his little game. She will never cave...he knows this but the challenge...it is what he craves.

Bond can see the question flash behind her eyes as she determines how much leeway to give him on this case. M is still testing him, still measuring him against her better judgement. Christ those eyes of hers...he could loose himself in their depths. Imagining all that goes on behind those eyes entices him further.

M thinks it is time to call his bluff...make him stop the act with her...she does not want his tried and true pick up lines used on her...he would have to do much better to even think of...what is she thinking? It is ridiculous to even consider...

"Bond you seem to excel at trying my patience."

"I get the job done M but my leads take me to somewhere unexpected...such as here."

"Using my credit card and my login...you make me out to be a fool!"

"M that was not my intention."

"What was Bond? Showing the entire office that you know more about me than my bloody husband!"

Bond ponders that for a moment and smirks. Is it wrong that she becomes more attractive to him when she is angry at him?

"No M...but I new it would get attention and flag me for you to pay attention to...I needed you to follow the same logical path as I. You have to admit you were curious or you would not have allowed me to continue."

"So you want me to pay attention to you...and only you...is that it? With your antics you cannot help getting the negative attention you crave. The Americans are not happy with you and nor am I."

"I am sorry about that M but it has given us a trail to follow."

"Yes...fortuitous for you Bond...it has. I will see you back in London and we will continue this."

"Yes ma'am."

Infuriatingly smug bastard. The way he pauses and looks at her makes her heart flutter like a bloody teen aged girl.

Bond has this habit of leaning in towards her in a conspiratorial fashion. Classic body language seduction techniques...she wonders if he even realizes that he forgets to turn it off while with her.

Bond's damn gorgeous eyes flashing, smirk on his face as he sniffs her perfume subtly. She could be reading way too much into his flirtations but she is not imagining that they are happening.

Having guards as witnesses in the background, seem to propel him to flirt more.

M decides it is time to call him on these actions as they walk back into the hotel.

"Bond...I want to know why you flirt with me? Is it done just to annoy, or is it that you feel confident that I will not acquiesce?"

"M?"

"You heard me. Is it that you enjoy making me uncomfortable, angry, off balanced, are you mocking me?"

"I like too...I am not mocking you I just like the way it makes your eyes flash."

"Well just stop it!"

There... M made it an order and for him to continue will only bring her ire. However, the infuriating man seems to love pissing her off.

Why can't he be like the other 00's and just say yes ma'am without making it sound like an invitation to the most glorious sex she could ever have?

Damn...she should have made Nigel come to the Bahamas for a few days with her.

Bond frowns and nods. She is flustered...he managed to push her off balance but then she looks as if she is thinking of something or someone else.

This happens when they talk together...the flirting banter Bond loves so much. M seems to stare right through him to think of the husband or something else.

M notices him, yet doesn't...she is so incredibly observant, yet she thinks his flirtations are all misdirection. Bond is a spy, and that would be logical.

M cannot see herself the way he sees her...the way he suddenly realizes he wants to see her...lying in his bed glaring into his soul with those piercing eyes of hers.

Once in a while he sees her tilt her head to the side or the light hits her in a way that makes her hair seem to glow, and wants her more than any other woman he has ever known.

Then reality hits him and it will never be anything real...not like she already has.

M likely thinks he is not worth the time...but then she spent years grooming him to be the best 00...there are too many contradictions with her...she is two completely different bloody women and he finds he is drawn to both.

One he must protect at all costs and the other...he wants to ravage and have her ravage him right back...it is all just fantasy...like a stupid unfulfilled schoolboy crush.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

M hesitates to use him for the next part of the mission but he is perfectly suited to it.

"Bond it has come to my attention that you are very good at cards."

"Yes ma'am. It is one of my many skills."

"I'm sure...now I have a mission that involves a high stakes game. Le Chiffre will need to recoup the losses you caused by blowing up the airbus prototype. This will be your next big test to see if I was right to promote you to 00."

"I will do my best ma'am."

"Be sure that you do."

M looks down on the file of the woman that will bring the money to the event from the treasury.

Bond will sleep with her. That would be a fact even if the woman didn't look like she bloody well just stepped out of the pages of Vogue magazine.

M hesitates...she wants to have them look into Vesper Lynd but what is her motivation?

Jealousy of her beauty and youth or because James Bond will sleep with her?

M sits in her chair and sighs pushing the file on the woman away from her physically. Treasury vetted her let them take responsibility for once. Damn it though, she keeps second guessing herself about anything to do with 007.

M is taking a massive risk allowing this game...allowing Bond to try to win it with public funds, but she needs to trusts him.

M cannot quantify it other than gut instinct but Bond will get the job done...go farther, work harder than any other. Handing him the treat of a beautiful woman to help...well, it prickles at her, but her logical side wins and she brushes the thoughts away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"His heart has stopped!"

"Press the damn button!"

Someone is with him. Dear god please let someone be with him... Vesper?

"Damn it press the bloody button Bond!"

I can't lose him so soon.

Not like this...no...it can't end like this. It's too soon!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Casino Royale:

M leaves London to see to Bond, after the torture Le Chiffre put him through. She arrives and is driven straight to the hospital.

There is a lovely retreat in Italy that MI6 uses for agents under these circumstances. M will have him moved as soon as possible with a trusted nursing staff that is already at the hospital overseeing Bond's injuries.

M listens to the doctors as they give her a report on Bond's condition in his room. M has her eyes on her unconscious agent in the hospital bed while they drone on about the injuries to his testicles and torso.

Mathis hovers nearby as does Vesper...in her own medical gown. The girl seems none the worse for wear, considering that they were both taken and questioned. Vesper seem to have escaped most of the physical damage...this is a red flag for M.

Bond's eyes flutter.

M turns to Mathis and Vesper, "Mathis, would you please bring me a coffee and Miss Lynd, you are not needed here. Please return to your own room."

Vesper shoots her a venomous look at being dismissed.

Bond tries to focus and to speak.

"Vesper...Vesper. Not Mathis….no…"

He loves that woman...she is first on his mind...then the mission.

M sighs...she knew this would happen...it was like tossing a steak to a starving man putting the two of them together like that.

"Bond...this is M. You are safe now, please remain calm and don't strain yourself further. Your injuries are extensive and need time to heal. I will allow Miss Lynd to stay with you and Mathis while you heal."

M is not sure that any of this is getting through to him as the drugs are doing their job and he is having trouble focusing on her face.

"M...isthachu? M...too dangerous...Mathis...traitor...will hurt you...go home...be with him...safe with him…in your bed...not with Mathis…"

M's brows furrow in confusion.

"Bond, I have not found any proof...if there is a double cross it might not be him...It could be the girl. I will keep the lot of you together for the time being. You just concentrate on getting better."

Mathis approaches from behind her. He hands her a cup of coffee.

M presses the button to allow more drugs for Bond...his beautiful eyes start to flutter but when they see Mathis standing behind M he suddenly grabs her hand tightly.

"M...M…"

M pats his hand as she watches the drugs take him. There is panic in his eyes...he truly believes Mathis is the double agent.

"Mr. Mathis...You will take them to recuperate and give me updates daily. I don't have to remind you that you will be watched and that I will be investigating all possibilities in this matter. There is a great deal of money at stake after all."

"Yes ma'am. I would be remiss if I didn't offer that you come stay with us to oversee Bond's recovery. We will be at the Italian villa and it is very beautiful. I am sure that London could give you a few days...and we could get to know each other better. You will be convinced that I had nothing to do with this kidnapping and horrendous torture."

"Alright Mr. Mathis, however it will only be a few days."

They move Bond later that day into the villa with a nurse and Miss Lynd, who is not at all happy about the arrangements. Vesper wants to be the only one to look after him.

M is concerned that Bond could be in danger.

If M stays...it will nix any opportunity for anyone to injure him and once he becomes stronger she will leave. This will give her the opportunity to watch the two prime suspects.

Vesper cares for Bond hovering around him constantly leaving M in the company of Mathis for the most part.

Mathis is charming and very attentive...likely trying to divert any suspicion from him for the kidnapping.

The two days pass quickly and Bond is getting stronger and needs less drugs. There is little risk now that he will inadvertently blab any sensitive information, once M departs for London.

M has not had much time to spend with Bond alone. Mathis has taken her on walks while Vesper spends all her time with her new love. M does not completely trust in the sincerity of the woman but it is apparent to all with eyes that Bond is in love.

M catches a moment between them as she comes to say goodbye after her two days are up.

Watching them together makes her heart clench... she moves away from the door and then makes a more noisy arrival to give them time to separate from their kiss.

Vesper turns to look at her with a scowl that Bond does not see, as he smiles happily at M.

"I would like to speak with agent Bond please."

"Of course M...whatever **you** want."

Vesper moves off in a huff. That woman hates her...she doesn't particularly care for her either but why the venom towards her...it is a worry.

M's gut is telling her Vesper has been compromised, yet Bond's suspicious of Mathis. The man has been helpful and encouraged her stay, why would he do that if he was a double agent.

M crosses his room to the hospital bed he still occupies.

"I leave soon. I am glad you are on the mend 007."

"Why did you stay? I was surprised you even came to the hospital."

"Why? You were injured and there is 50 million on the line Bond...I do care for my agents...I am not carved from ice as many suggest."

Bond smiles. "Ok...how did you manage explaining this little vacation here in Italy then?"

"Mr. Mathis asked me to stay, if you must ask….and I agreed. As for a vacation...this had better not bloody well count as my vacation."

"Mathis...why did he?"

"I don't know but I think your suspicions of him are false...because there is another here that could be at fault...one you would refuse to acknowledge as such because you have fallen in love with her."

Bond's eyes meet hers sharply. "Love...that is a strong word M, and Mathis could be trying to divert you or…."

"Or what Bond?"

"Or trying to spend time with you...alone."

"WHAT! Don't be absurd."

"Who did you share dinners with? Vesper told me that he has not let you out of his sight for long. The man is nothing if not obvious about his intentions M."

M frowns thinking back on Mr. Mathis attentiveness the last two days. M assumed that he was playing her, attempting to assuage any guilt in Bond's capture.

"What are you talking about?"

"Seduction M. You didn't consider all the angles did you M?"

"And you are James? Bond...the motivation was not….it could not be...there are far more important things...he never..."

"M...you cannot hide your allure behind a desk, on the other end of a speaker or mobile from London when you are in the field."

M's eyes flash at him. "And you shouldn't mix business with pleasure. It **will** bite you in the end."

An arrogant smirk appears on Bond's face.

"So you do care."

M looks defensive and crosses her arms across her breasts.

"I told you I did...I do care for all my agents!"

"Defensive, M?"

M begins to pace the area by Bond's bed.

"Pfft...about what?"

"About how we perceive you."

M snaps her focus back towards Bond's annoyingly amused face.

"I don't really care how I am perceived...I am the head and your boss...that is all!"

"That is all?"

"Yes, that is all! What do you bloody well want...me to adopt you so you can have a mother to tend to your hurts and tut tut over you saying there...there dear boy...everything will be alright in the end."

Bond's body is reacting to what she is saying faster than his mind can process the thoughts. M continuously surprises him on many levels and damn it if he isn't becoming aroused.

Considering his injuries it is a bloody miracle that he is. Vesper has been with him most of the time but damn it...he reacts more to a flustered, angry, sarcastically beautiful M, than to her.

"Sarcasm M? I don't need a mother and as for tending my hurts...there is some testing that is required for my particular injuries... are you volunteering to aid in my recovery?"

M blushes despite herself, knowing exactly where he was hurt by Le Chiffre and what testing him would involve."

"I am sure the testy, Miss Lynd is on call for all of your needs in that department Bond. I warn you now Bond...do not injure yourself further, while becoming fully functional again. I need you back in the field to continue this mission."

There is a mischievous twinkle in her eyes from their loaded word play, or it could be just wishful thinking on his part.

Christ...this woman could teach him things….he can sense it. If only...

"Yes ma'am!"

"I expect emails on your condition...after your tests are complete."

Bond continues to push. "M...I never took you for a voyeur...what ever would your husband say?"

"Bond...watch it! I can have you killed just for annoying me...always remember that."

"But then you would miss all this banter M...it gets better with age...like a fine wine and a beautiful woman."

"Stick to what you actually know about Bond. Wine and older women are not your forte."

"But are they Mathis' forte M...M did you?"

"BOND! I will not dignify that with an answer. Get better and get back the the bloody job we pay you to do. Whoever is responsible for all this needs to be caught, and besides what concern is it of yours who I dine with?"

"None, M...I...I just don't want you...well you should not...it's improper to be alone with another man when you're married...isn't it?"

Bond is very curious about what went on with them when they were alone...she wouldn't...he can't imagine her straying...she doesn't even seem to realize that Mathis has been attempting to seduce her since she arrived in hospital to collect him.

M is shocked at the implications of what he is actually saying to her. She doesn't know if she is more upset with him for challenging her and mentioning it, or for her not really noticing Mathis' intent.

"So the rules of the Victorian era apply to me somehow but not the rest of the world 007? How the hell do you explain the married marks you bamboozle into bed?"

James blushes and plays with the bedding under her very stern gaze.

Before James can stammer out another incoherent thought about M, Mathis arrives with a smile on his face.

"M...there you are my dear. Are you ready? I will drive you to the airport."

M glances back a Bond who is frowning at Mathis. Mathis puts his arm around M's waist to guide her out of the room.

M would for the most part pull away from the man but she decides to see how Bond behaves, is she allows him the liberty to hold her in such a familiar manner.

"I have a driver coming to get me so that will not be necessary. Thank you and please look after my delinquent agent and send me reports on his progress."

"Of course...I can honestly say that this has been my best experience yet, working with your organization."

M smiles at Mathis. "I hope it continues that way Mr. Mathis."

"I do wish you would call me René now, my dear."

M glances back over her shoulder to Bond lying in the bed. Bond glares at Mathis with his arm around her.

"Mathis!"

Mathis turns to look back at James. "Yes."

"She's married so get your hands off her."

It is stated viciously and with clear intent. M is actually shocked at the angry look on Bond's face and so is Mathis.

Mathis frowns and removes his hand from M's hip. It is clear to Mathis now, that Bond does not trust him and especially around M.

"Fine James...Sorry M, I apologise...I was not aware of your relationship status, safe travels and I will be in contact soon."

Mathis glares at Bond as he says it and then exits the room.

"007 what was that all about?"

"I don't trust that man M."

"That is obvious, to everyone now. Are you in pain?"

"Not particularly, why?"

"I was just trying to explain you snapping at Mathis."

"M...please go now."

M looks shocked and somewhat hurt by this sudden change in attitude towards her.

Bond realizes that he has confused her...by snapping...she doesn't understand how he feels.

"M...I just need you to be safe...I cannot protect you here, should he try anything. In London you are safe."

"Bond...I have Mitchell and there are other guards around the compound…"

"M...I will heal much faster when I know you are home and safe. I feel I must always be alert when you are near."

M gives him a small smile.

"Fine Bond...I don't want to stress your nerves...not like listening to you flatline from 1000 kms away unable to do anything but scream at you through a com."

Bond smiles and winks at M as she moves to the door. Standing in the doorway, with the sun shining on her gives her an angelic glow...just like in the Bahamas.

"Get better Bond. Oh... and don't think to order me away again...it is not your prerogative to tell me where I should be."

"Yes ma'am! Now go home."

M glares at him, hands on hips.

"Bond…"

Bond gives her a contrite look, that quickly becomes smug smile as he gives her a wink.

"M…"

During the trip to the airport she goes over her interactions with Bond. Could she have missed something about Mathis?

Mathis was actually flirting with her, she did notice but nothing serious. M attributed it to his being French and diverted and dismissed all his attempts.

The strange thing is that Bond noticed...and that was without dinning with them or directly witnessing Mathis' casual caresses and attempts to get her drunk. Unless Vesper was watching and reporting everything too him. But why did that concern Bond?

Ridiculous.

These are just the idiotic longings of an old woman...grasping for something that is not there.

James Bond is in love with Vesper.

M sighs...if only...

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Casino Royal / Quantum of Solace:_

Damn it! Damn him! How could he resign after all she risked in giving him such a big mission...so newly promoted.

James and Vesper are going to bum around the world on a yacht, that he likely won at cards. Maybe she should send them a card congratulating them for screwing two promising careers for a wavy fuck on a boat.

M is furious. Tanner is hiding and the bloody minister from the treasury is calling harassing her because of late transfer!

Foolish man not only emailed her a blunt resignation with no bloody explanation, but he has not even completed the job.

M is having difficulty reaching him and it will all have to wait until tomorrow when he finally lands for supplies somewhere, so that MI6 can get a location on him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day M gets off the phone with the treasury.

Damn it!

M has kept Bond's surprise resignation quiet and she is thankful that she did. The money is not accounted for…

M hates to admit it but Bond has successfully made a fool out of her, just as that bitch Vesper Lynd did the treasury.

Bond made landfall in Venice and has checked to a posh hotel. So then, money won after all...what a fool...a fool for love and money, and he isn't even trying to hide the fact.

Could it be he doesn't know...that it is Vesper?

M never took Bond for a fool before or she would never have made him a 00. Flouting about in a yacht and checking in to a luxury hotel is exactly the attention grabbing stunt he would pull, but if he had stolen the money with Vesper...he would go underground.

It does not make any sense at all. M thought more of him than this. Could her attraction to him have blinded her to something defective in his code of honour?

For Queen and country does not mean steal from the treasury and disappear with the girl and the cash.

Tanner brings in the head of the treasury and she excuses herself for a moment to speak to Tanner.

"Tanner...I need a fast and deep look into the life of Vesper Lynd...do it now and get all of Q branch digging...something is not right about all of this."

"Certainly M but wouldn't Bond know about all of this if he is working with her?"

"I didn't include it in my report Tanner but Bond has fallen in love with the woman...he cannot think straight because of it...keep this between you and I but he resigned in an email to me yesterday."

"What!"

"I have not officially acknowledged it for fear he is under the influence of something...besides just his masculine desire to sail around the world with Vesper and 50 million in treasury funds."

"I will get right on it M."

M walks back into her office and exchanges pleasantries with the minister.

"Well I will just call my agent and ask if there is a problem with the transfer."

M smiles at the man while she waits for the call to go through.

"Bond...I have the head of the treasury here with me now... and he would like to know why you have not transferred the money yet? Has there been a problem on your end?"

Bond sounds confused. M knows instantly that the money is gone and he is alone in the hotel. Damn it!

M knew Vesper was playing him...her instincts were right about that woman. Now M feels sorry for Bond...who was possibly in love for the first time in his life.

M really thought that Vesper could have been in love with James, but now it is obviously she was in league with this organization that Le Chiffre was a part of. Mathis involvement with Vesper is now under review, because of Bond's earlier suspicions.

Later that day M calls Bond. "The job's done the bitch is dead."

M gives him the report of why Vesper did what she did. Tanner handed the file to her a few hours before, and M sees that perhaps the woman did love James after all.

Vesper bargained the money for James' life...she must have known she would die...at their hands or at MI6's. She avoided torture and prevented them from killing James.

M tells Bond this over the call. For that M will be forever grateful to Vesper.

M needs him back...now they will have to start again, to regain the trust that was lost.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"_You don't trust anyone anymore do you Bond?"_

"_No."_

"_Good. Then you've learned your lesson."_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Quantum of Solace:_

Bond is hurting...M can tell. He will need time, but is already on another trail...for the man responsible for Vesper's death.

Revenge is a dish best served cold and cold is what Bond is becoming. M can tell as she speaks with him in the caverns under Siena. Bond dragged in the man Vesper lead him to with her mobile phone...Mr. White.

They will question him in a few minutes...but first. More information has come to light about Vesper's boyfriend and his involvement with this shady organization.

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Bond pocket the picture of the man who really had Vesper's heart...the one they blackmailed her for.

Time to deal with the head of the snake. Mr. White is a smug bastard...Irish she thinks.

The next moments will haunt M's memory for years to come. Time slows and then speeds up in the seconds that follow White's taunting.

"We have people everywhere..."

Mitchell the traitorous bastard!

M runs up the stairs having felt a nick at her shoulder as the bullets began to fly. M thinks she was saved by a bloody IV stand...the distinctive metal ping is heard just as she sees Bond's lightning fast reflexes take over. No second thought is given to the prisoner as she runs up the stairs to escape.

M exits the building were a car is waiting and whisks her away to the safe house. M looks suspiciously at all the guards that join her and the driver...hoping to hell they aren't going to turn and pull a gun on her too.

M hopes that Bond will be able to meet her soon to debrief. She feels uncomfortable just thinking about reporting this, she calls Tanner and initiates an emergency protocol. The jet will be ready within a few hours.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

M is stressed...the organization almost took her out and they didn't even know they existed, until Bond disrupted them during the Casino Royale incident.

Is Bond alright? Did Mitchell kill him?

Christ she hopes not. Not after all this mess. M would hate to loose him so soon...he shows so much promise if he can overcome these female temptations.

Falling in love with the first woman that he has to work with...bad luck or perhaps it will teach him the lesson she has been trying to teach him...he needs to compartmentalize work 007, from the man...James.

M needs to be in control of both halves...Bond cannot serve two masters.

Tanner is checking all the seals...if there are any more traitors she will have them before a firing squad as soon as possible.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond chases Mitchell...traitorous bastard that he is through the city and eventually catches him.

How dare he!. The man was paid well to guard her and had for many years...alway silently lurking in the background. How many years...how long has he been in their pocket...watching her?

Bond rushes into the safe house moving through the rooms overwhelmed by the need to find M.

M's face lights up when she sees him and she sighs in relief.

"Bond… you're back...good. Have you been checked out yet?"

Bond arches his eyebrows in question at her as they stand in the sitting room of the safe house.

"Ma'am? I thought it better to find out if you were alright first."

"You have cuts and injuries from chasing down that idiot Mitchell."

Bond frowns...he barely feels the injuries to his body...he is trained not too. Adrenaline takes care of those pains but not the worry he had over her being shot at.

"I'm fine...did he hit you?"

"I'm fine, Bond. Did you get him? Did he live?"

"He's gone...led me on a chase. It was him or me and I won."

"I expected as much but I would have bloody well liked to get my hands on him."

Bond moves suddenly into M's personal space he can see her hands shake in anger and agitation. Just as suddenly he engulfs her in a large comforting hug.

M is shocked as his arms wrap around her.

For all her bravado and stiff professional posture, she practically falls into his embrace...her legs give way as he hold her tightly, holding her up and whispering into her hair.

"It's alright M...I've got you now."

Bond feels her almost collapsed and he moves her over to the sofa and sits her down and sits beside her...his arm still around her shoulder...he notices she winces as he does.

"M, I know this is difficult and I am not leaving you until we get home and Tanner can arrange for you to have proper guards."

"I can't believe this...what is this bloody Quantum, Bond?"

"I don't know M...but I am willing to go find out. There was no trace of White back in the garage...I went back to check there first. I saw some blood on the stairs and I feared the worst."

Their eyes meet and M nods at him her mouth becoming a firm line of determination.

"That bastard just missed...nicked my shoulder."

Her dander is up as M works out of her melancholy and fear and becomes the lioness Bond knows that she is.

Bond looks at her angrily. "M...I thought you said you were alright, is that why you winced...here let me see."

Bond pushes the shoulder of her jacket off where the tear was. He examines the bandage hastily applied and frown.

"Who was the incompetent ass that dressed this for you M?"

M's face is very close to his as she turns to face him.

"That ass...would be me."

"Come with me...I will do this properly."

Bond pulls her off the sofa as they move into the bathroom. Bond has all the supplies out they will need.

"Take off your blouse M."

M's eyes go wide as her lips part to protest.

"M...I need to see the entire area and this is a nice blouse...do you want me to tear it off you to get to the wound?

The most inappropriate thoughts course through M's brain in a flash.

"Quid pro quo Bond...you are in worse shape than I...you are not just trying to see if you can get me to undress for you are you?"

Bond smiles. "I will take mine off if you take yours...that should make you happy."

"You would have to do a lot more than that to make me happy Bond...I mean...with this mission...as it has now taken a turn.."

Bond strips off his Jacket, tie and dress shirt with a smug smile at her apparent discomfort at being in this situation with him.

Now the two of them are standing partially naked in a small dimly lit bathroom...examining each others...injuries.

"Relax M...I am not about to report you for sexual harassment...although...I could...if you would...do you think you could...manage...no this room is too small and there are too many guards out there to hear...how loud you scream...if I...rip...your..."

"BOND! That will be enough...give me that iodine let's see how flirtatious you can be when I am torturing you with this."

"M...I have experienced torture before...and you still managed to get a rise out of me in Italy."

"007! Watch that mouth of yours! You were there with...you know who at the time...I was merely causing the disruption to all your activities."

Bond stills her hand as she moves to dab more of the stinging liquid to his cuts.

"M...she never managed in a week what you did for me in two days."

Christ...Bond knows M will take this all as a joke...a flirtation, but hell...he really means it.

"Don't be ridiculous...I am old enough to be your mother and your boss...end of story."

Bond frowns down at her. He knew M would play the age card, so he rips off her bandage quickly causing her to gasp, he then dabs her injury with iodine as she winces in discomfort.

"So you don't scream? Don't fret M...I am saving all my energy for Quantum...we do not have the luxury of time."

M looks at Bond sternly. "Time for you to dig yourself into a deeper hole 007?"

"No M, time for more of this. I do not like to rush pure enjoyment M...but as you say...I need to focus on the job at hand and that is to destroy this organization."

"Am I to understand that standing in a small bath with me tending to our wounds is enjoyable? Bond you were hit in the head weren't you? I will get Tanner to arrange a psychological work up on you when we get home."

Bond's eye cloud for a second as he put finishing touches on her dressing...feeling the softness of her skin and smelling her perfume.

M's heart skips a beat and she inhales suddenly as he applies the bandage. For a moment...she actually thought he...he wanted to kiss her. It must be a moment of weakness...the strain of the emotions bumping around in his head after all...she died right before his eyes.

Bond the man and the agent is now motivated by revenge for Vesper, and a deep hatred of the organization that just tried to kill her through Mitchell. M still can't get over the fact that her bodyguard of 7 years just tried to shoot her.

This will not be over until Bond finds the White or his cronies and deals with their part in Vesper's blackmail and death.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond is her bodyguard...this is not something she ever thought would happen outside her private daydreams.

Bond spent the last two days as her bodyguard after the safe house in Italy. The two of them have never been around each other this much and M finds it dangerous being this close to him.

Bond almost made her faint in the bathroom of the safe house...a combination of sexual attraction, very close proximity and the smell of iodine.

M finds Bond makes an excellent sounding board for her various rants about what happened. Bond listens and occasionally adds comments or she finds him smirking and shaking his head in her direction.

M was so use to Mitchell as a bodyguard that she barely even noticed him but now she feels Bond's eyes boring into her back...it is making her uncomfortable having him stare at her all the time.

It is foolish to feel so unsettled, but he is always watching her, when he should be observing others in the area and the room itself.

M is left to clear out her bodyguard Mitchell's apartment searching for clues to his betrayal.

M is unbelievably angry as she throws an ashtray across the room. Bond smirks at her passion for a second...this attack is flustering his usually unflappable boss. He will find White and he will find out what is going on.

Tanner had better watch M while he is gone.

M doesn't know that Bond and Tanner have contingency plans for watching over her in emergency situations like this. Both of them concerned after the attack and the two of them trust each other but few others.

At least M and Tanner have learned to trust him again, finally...there is no way Bond would ever let someone hurt her...not even her own husband.

Should it ever come to light that Nigel Mansfield is not the man he seems...Bond will strangle him with his bare hands.

M is getting under his skin to the extent in which, Bond suffers anxiety when she is out of his sight. Tanner needs to find a trustworthy man to guard her...fast.

Two days of shadowing her in the capacity of her guard has been rough. Emotions between the two of them run hot and cold, between furious anger and the grief of betrayal.

When M collapsed in his arms and then treated his wounds, Bond had the overwhelming desire to tilt her face up to his and kiss her...what the hell is wrong with him?

M is his boss...stubborn, brilliant and sexy but not a mark...not a young gorgeous thing like...damn that bitch Vesper for entering his thoughts again!

M's presence is compelling and powerful, but she always seems immune to him...the only show of weakness was after the attempted assassination in the safe house.

For a moment in his arms, in that bathroom tending to their bruised bodies and egos...Bond saw a spark.

There was a moment that Bond did not feel like the wayward child in her eyes...he felt like...like M...might have wanted him to kiss her...despite her admonishments...it was just a flash in her beautiful deep blue eyes...

Bond needs to escape to the field...distance himself from her for a breather.

A call comes in and Bond is off to follow a lead on Mr. White in Vienna.

To be continued...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Quantum of Solace:

After Bond returns from Haiti...he follows Greene to Bregenz, Austria.

Bond has M on the line...giving her the pictures and report about the opera and the members of Quantum.

While he gives M the report can hear running water in the background and the echo of someone speaking from a washroom.

_"Is that stress in you voice?"_

_"I need you to come in and debrief." _

_"I don't have time." _

_"Bond, you killed a man in Bregenz." _

_"I did my best not to." _

_"You shot him at point blank and threw him off a roof." _

_"I'd hardly call that showing restraint, especially since he was a member of Special Branch." _

_"So who was he guarding?" _

_"Bond, are you missing the fact...that you killed a member of Special Branch?" _

_"I need you to come in." _

Bond smiles into the mobile as he explains himself...he wonders how she will take the reason why he needs to continue this mission.

_"And I would, but right now I need to find...the man who tried to kill you. Go back to sleep."_

He disconnects and tries to concentrate on getting out of this mess...not her bathing and going to bed with that man he knows near to nothing about.

Bond often thinks about Nigel Mansfield, the man with whom she is married. A strange curiosity for him to have about his boss but ever since he held her...he almost lost her...why is he drawn to her in such a way...it is not physical...Vesper was all physical.

What Bond feels for M is as yet undefined but one thing that is certain, he trusts her and he hopes she will trust him.

So a member of special branch...this goes higher and deeper than they guessed and M knows it.

Bond makes his way to the airport to follow Greene...his cards are no good. M will be forced to appear contrite by cancelling his cards and having Tanner keep tabs on his movements.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond make his way with sheer guile...he knows there are others that are trying to stop M from allowing him to continue, and he also knows that her attempts to stop him are half-hearted at best.

Bond is headed after Dominic Greene but he detours to find Mathis in Italy.

Mathis is still hurting from interrogation by MI6 on his say so...and M's. That should stop the man from any inappropriate flirting with the head of MI6 anytime in the future.

Mathis tried to be a friend to Bond and was a friend to Vesper during his convalescence.

Mathis was Vesper's biggest supporter...not knowing or expecting her duplicity. Like Bond he thought that she didn't have it in her to pull off that kind of act and double cross. Only M saw that one…at the time she sensed that Vesper was a problem...but still felt badly for Bond by her loss.

M didn't look close enough at the beginning...assuming that their friends were just that. The information she began researching came too late to make any difference and Vesper was already dead.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mathis could have shot him the moment he ended up on his doorstep but he didn't.

"I am sorry for what happened."

"I am too but at least I got this house for my troubles. I have sworn off English women...in case you were wondering."

Bond smirks, "oh and why is that?"

"They are beautiful but cold and duplicitous."

"M is not...duplicitous."

Mathis winks as him, "how do you know I am speaking about M?"

"How many other English women do you flirt with?"

"Mathis orders his Italian mistress to get them some wine. She does so grudgingly.

"I was not flirting...I was just trying to make her feel comfortable because Vesper was not. Vesper had an irrational hatred for that woman...although I can understand why now."

"What? Why?"

"Vesper hated her control and influence over you...like a domineering mother who she could never hope to impress or cajole into liking her."

"I didn't realize."

"But yet you knew even under the influence that I was flirting with the woman. That will be work for a far better psychologist than I Bond."

"There is nothing...she didn't even realize you were flirting with her."

"That does nothing for my ego...she is impervious to charming men that one. Cold...too cold for the likes of a French lover like me."

"Yes she is impervious...she cancelled my cards...is attempting to distance herself from this investigation."

"Yet, if she really wanted you she could have had you by now….see duplicitous..thy name is M."

"Yes, so I need your help...I need to follow Greene to Bolivia but I think that the Americans are bullying M."

"I see. So she wants you to get there but can't be seen helping or in fact wanting you to make it."

"Yes."

"Well let me get you a passport and we will be off."

"Thank you Mathis...and for what it's worth...I'm sorry."

"Sorry for not trusting me with the case, or with M?"

Bond's eyes flash for a moment and Mathis nods in understanding. Mathis then realizes that Bond doesn't fully realize the feelings he has for the older woman in his life.

"All of it."

"We will have plenty of time to discuss the enigmatic M more on the plane...shall we."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond does not enjoy discussing M with the old man badgering him. It was too uncomfortable and he can see that Mathis was just trying to bother him with his over sexualized observations about M.

"She is too closed...what must the husband be like? Typical English man...proper and arrogant. What kind of spark is that? I could have taken her to heaven…"

"Enough! Don't think to know her...in any way Mathis. I am sorry for what happened to you because of Casino Royale mission but I do not want to discuss M in that way with you."

"I apologize Bond...I was just trying to gage how much you love the woman...and you do."

"What! Are you insane? I do not love her...I respect her."

"Really if that is true I will leave you to ponder this one last thing as we land. How many women in your life have you respected and how many have you loved? Now when you think on this you may just discover that one is synonymous with the other Bond."

Bond closes his eyes...concentrate on the job. There is a difference in loving and respecting someone, than being actively in love with that person...James is not in love with M...that would be inappropriate, but he does love her...in a way he can't clearly define.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond and Mathis meet the beautiful Strawberry Fields and she tries to get him to turn back under M's orders.

Bond does not have to twist too hard to get her into bed and stay in Bolivia. Mathis can go to hell with his theories on Bond's love life.

Mathis dies in his arms begging him to forgive Vesper...he is part of Quantum after all...right along with Vesper...now they are clearing him out of their organization to frame James.

Bond finds himself back with Camille. Turns out she is a Bolivian agent and bent on revenge still. The two of them are much alike ...searching for a relief that may never come unless something inside of them gives way to ease the pain.

Camille has been festering in her misery for years and it is far worse for her than him.

"_So what's your interest in Greene?"_

"_Amongst other things, he tried to kill a friend of mine."_

"_A woman?"_

" _Yes. But it's not what you think."_

"_Your mother?"_

"_She likes to think so."_

Bond smirks when he says it but it is telling that his motivation is not for his dead lover and that Camille instinctively knew that the woman was very important to him...mother even after he made a point of saying that Greene tried to kill a friend of his.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

M is livid with the Americans. How dare they put a capture or kill order out on him...she may have words with Director Cameron after this.

And Bond...the bloody man. She stands in his hotel room while he gallivants around with a Bolivian agent...Camille Montes, looking over the oil drenched body of Strawberry Fields...parents obsessive fans of the Beatles no doubt.

Bond thinks it is about more than oil...but why are the American so sure?

On of the men informs her that Bond is in the lobby.

Camille tell Bond that this is none of her concern as they reach the hotel and then he notices the agents as she turns to leave him to face the music.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_So that's what she meant._

Bond walks with escort up to his room to see M wandering about the suite._  
><em> _  
><em>"_I hope you can trust these men."_

M puts up her hand to silence him a moment as she speaks with another.

"_Just a moment. It's Tanner. Yes?"  
><em> _  
><em>"_We've got the girl downstairs. She says to tell you she's sorry...but this is not her fight."_

M looks to Bond waiting for a response.

"_It isn't. Let her go."_

"_She isn't our concern."_

"_Well, I'm disappointed."_

"_You are?"_

"_How much oil did the Americans promise you?"_

M frowns at him, how could he miss the point so badly. It isn't just her that is watching what he does.

"_This isn't about oil."_

"_Well, that's good, because there isn't any."_

"_It's about trust. You said you weren't motivated  
>by revenge."<em>

"_I'm motivated by my duty."_

M guides him towards the bedroom where he sees why M looks so upset. Fields is dead...lying naked on the bed where they had sex before the party.

"_No. I think you are so blinded by inconsolable rage...that you don't care who you hurt. When you can't tell your friends...from your enemies, it's time to go. You might like to tell her your theory...about there being no oil. Her lungs are full of it."_

"_It was Greene."_

"_No doubt. But why?"  
><em> _  
><em>"_It's just misdirection."_

M gets angry at him.

"_I mean, why her, Bond? She was just supposed to send you home. She worked in an office, collecting reports. Look how well your charm works, James. They'll do anything for you, won't they? How many is that now? You're removed from duty and suspended... pending further investigation. You'll give whatever weapons you have...to these men and leave with them now."_

James get angry back at her….dismissing the girl as a nobody just because she entertained him and got caught up in this fiasco of a case.

Why didn't M bloody well know that Mitchell wanted her dead! They are not bloody well clairvoyant.

Bond takes out the men in the elevator and heads back to see M before continuing this case.

Of course he catches her in the hall...alone...with no bloody guard again...when will this woman learn.

Bond realizes he must look pissed because her shocked features soon give way to one of fear as he prowls towards her.

"_Miss Fields showed true bravery. I want that mentioned in your report. Now you and I need to see this through."_

Bond needs her to understand...he is willing her to let him see this through to the end with him. It feels like the most important thing in his life to date...bringing down this shadowy agency that takes and takes from him.

"_There's nowhere to go. There's a capture or kill order out on you."_

"_Who would have done that?"_

"Not I...the Americans are not happy...I was told if I didn't muzzle you and bring you home that they would put you down."

"So I am but a trained dog for you...to lick your hand and wait for a pat on the head...it that it M!"

"No but you would do well to know who your master is."

"You...yes? Or is it the head of the CIA...or the PM? I have entirely too many invisible people trying to turn me away from the job I need to accomplish."

Bond leaves her and Tanner arrives to see a worried M.

"Tanner...try to keep the Americans off him as well as we are able. I need to see where this goes."

"Yes ma'am."

_"He is my agent and I trust him."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"_Is he still alive?"_

"_He is."_

"_I'm surprised. Did you find what you were looking for?"  
><em> _  
><em>"_Yes."_

"_Good."  
><em> _  
><em>"_I assume you have no regrets."  
><em> _  
><em>"_I don't."  
><em> _  
><em>"_What about you?"  
><em> _  
><em>"_Of course not. That would be unprofessional. They found Greene dead...in the middle of the Bolivian desert, of all places. Two bullets in the back of his skull. They found motor oil in his stomach. Does that mean anything to you?"_

"_Wish I could help."_

"_You'll be glad to know, I straightened...things out with the Americans. Your friend Leiter's been promoted. He replaced Beam."  
><em> _  
><em>"_Well, then the right people kept their jobs."_

"_Something like that."_

"_Congratulations. You were right."  
><em> _  
><em>"_About what?"_

"_About Vesper."_

Bond frowns at her and adds, "_Ma'am."_

"_Bond. I need you back." _He turns back towards her after he began walking away.  
><em><br>_"_I never left."_

Bond leaves her standing in the Russian snow as he makes his way back into the dark places to lick his wounds and let Vesper rest in his mind.

M was underdressed for the snow...he should have offered her his coat. He will meet her back at the plane...as soon as she takes care of her business.

James Bond requires a drink and some distance to go over the information M just gave him.

M asked him back...as if he just was on a long rogue project of which she had no control.

The woman is pure genius...through guile and a surprised attitude she could distance herself from any wrongdoings that Bond perpetrated.

Bond pour himself a drink and sits in the private jet to await his brilliant master. There are still problems that need solving...White is still out there and he has British connexions and M is a target... an important target.

The more MI6 digs the more M is at risk. Bond's a target but he is prepared for that and from what he has seen M is not. Tanner and Bond will need to have a long discussion about that.

Bond does not want to lose another….friend...mother...dare he think it...woman he feels strongly for.

To be continued...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_**Who watches the watcher?**_

M and Bond settle into a comfortable routine for the next few years. Bond exceeds all her previous expectations after the first rough missions.

M and her husband move into a new flat...Bond noticed.

Once the thoughts of love and romance are removed from the equation Bond is a single minded machine while on the job.

M realizes that their confrontation in her flat that night was telling...in a way she does want him to be a monk...emotionally hers. He has lovers...a lot of lovers and seductions...some that she has to listen to while overseeing any difficult missions.

Their relationship is turbulent at times but his success allows for her to ignore some of the more flirtatious banter for the sake of success in the work.

However, M secretly enjoys when he flirts with her and she cuts him down like he is a mere boy to her...when she really wishes he could be something much more.

Bond broke into her new flat...just to test her boundaries and let her know that he is paying attention.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond's dreams have never been peaceful but occasionally Mitchell and White trying to kill her comes back. These recurring dreams lead to him to her. If he returns to London after work hours he instantly goes to her flat. M yells at him but not loud enough to wake the sleeping husband.

The look on M's face the one time he crept into her bedroom and placed a hand over her mouth...he found it amusing but M...well she claims she could have suffered from a heart attack.

Bond has seen her medical file...her heart is a strong as a 30 year old's. It must be all that fear she instills in others feeding her youthful appearance.

It was very important he speak with her...he caught the first lead on White in over 18 months.

He watched her climb out of bed in red silk pyjamas and quickly put her dressing gown on, as Bond turns to stare at the man lying on his stomach snoring slightly.

M grabs his arm and guides him out of her room and down to the sitting room.

"This couldn't wait until tomorrow why 007?"

"I thought you needed this information immediately ma'am."

M's eyes flash at him, "continue."

Bond gives her the report and then she stands and tightens the sash on her robe as if he can't already picture her in the red silk that is now partially hidden from his view.

"Bond...do not break in like that again...there are no more allowances for this type of behaviour. Unless you are dying or someone is coming to kill me or my husband. Do you understand?"

"Yes ma'am. Death risk only."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

M sighs as she sees the infuriatingly handsome agent smirk at her. She realized she just gave him the excuse to break in at any small imaginary threat...from killer African bees to the threat of extreme rain, but she doesn't care as long as Nigel never sees him.

Bond leaves and M walks back up the stairs and sees the disapproving face of her husband of 40 years.

"How long?"

"Nigel?"

"How long has that man been breaking in here to see you in the middle of the night?"

"Nigel...it is not what you think...that would be absurd. He needed to report to me and just got back to London."

"Yes...and I was only teaching the nannie how to play. Revenge is all the sweeter with patience isn't it Olivia?"

M looks severely at her husband with her hands on her hips.

"No and I am not getting revenge for anything. I am not doing anything wrong and nothing remotely like what you did with the nannie so let it drop Nigel."

"What is his name?"

"I can't tell you that!"

"So is he the reason?"

"Reason for what?"

"The reason that the animal comes out in you once in a while...when you drag me to bed and work out all your sexual work fantasies on me."

"Nigel!"

"I don't mind Olivia, if it means that he is not sleeping with you love. I like being the one who gets to satisfy you."

Nigel crosses his arms attempting to look severe but smirks at her.

"I am not sleeping with anyone but my annoyingly handsome husband and we are not currently sleeping and I am not thinking about anyone but you...you troublesome man." M swats his arm her anger disappears.

"Ok...I understand but I would like to send the poor smitten bloke a thank you card...but you will not tell me his name."

"Smitten?"

Nigel looks at her like she is a complete idiot not to see what her agent breaking in really means.

"Christ Olivia, if the man breaks into your flat and wakes you from a dead sleep beside your husband...he wants you as much as you might daydream about him."

M never considered the possibility that Bond could be watching her as much as she watches him.

Watching Bond is her job...but him watching her is not his job by any means.

Nigel smiles at her trying to break the tension between the two of them.

Olivia begins to laugh along with her husband.

Nigel knows there is nothing physically going on with Bond but understands that in fantasy...all is just that...and at their age...that is all it is. Nigel wraps her in a hug and leans down to kiss her.

"What was that for?"

"For your loyalty...to Queen and Country and to me my love."

"I love you my dear and I always will. You aren't tired now are you Nigel?"

Nigel winks at her, "how could you guess? And now that I have your undivided attention..."

M laughs as Nigel pulls her back to their bed to prove to each of them how much she does still loves him.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond had not yet left M's flat when he heard the movement from upstairs...he doesn't really know why he didn't slip out the way he came...he delayed. The husband was awake.

Bond listened to Nigel Mansfield accuse his wife with having him as a lover...

**"What is his name?"**

**"I can't tell you that!"**

**"So is he the reason?"**

**"Reason for what?"**

**"The reason that the animal comes out in you once in a while...when you drag me to bed and work out all you sexual work fantasies on me."**

**"Nigel!"**

**"I don't mind if it means that he is not sleeping with you love. I like being the one who gets to satisfy you."**

**"I am not sleeping with anyone but my annoyingly handsome husband."**

**"Ok...I understand but I would like to send the poor smitten bloke a thank you card...but you will not tell me his name."**

**"Smitten?"**

**"Christ Olivia, if the man breaks into your flat and wakes you from a dead sleep beside your husband...he wants you as much as you might daydream about him."**

Bond listens...his heart rate increasing as he tenses, he fears her husband may become violent but then they laugh...he hears them go to bed and begin to make love.

What he heard shocked him to his core...could it be? Could the woman who just tore him a new one really have feelings for him?

This...this changes things.

How does he feel about her….her company and approval he did desire...and yes on occasion he thought about how she would feel...as a lover but never dreamt that she felt that way for him...she always treated him like a wayward child.

Did M really think of him as she made love to her husband?

As he climbed through a window Bond considers the possibility that the reason he longs to see her after these missions are motivated by a deep emotional need, and it is something that he has never felt for another.

Bond leaves the flat as sounds and images of the Mansfield's entwined in a lovers embrace playing through his mind.

Bond definately needs a drink and some sleep.

XXXXXXXX

During the next year Bond stays away from M's home. He researches M's husband, developing respect for the man and their long marriage. M would never be his lover and he knows that fantasies are just that...not ever to come to fruition.

One rainy Tuesday, Bond is waiting outside her office when he hears Tanner yell out.

"M!"

Bond bursts through the door to see Tanner holding M upright and the telephone on the floor.

"M...what's wrong? Tanner?"

"Take her while I grab the phone Bond!"

M is completely white...her pupils have dilated and her breathing is shallow. Panic moves through Bond as he carries her to the sofa and lies her down.

"I'll call medical." He says to Tanner, who is speaking quietly into her phone.

Tanner nods and repeats into the phone, "I see...yes...I will bring her as soon as I we are able. Yes...thank you for calling. I will notify them as soon as I am done here. Yes...bye."

Bond has medical on their way as he looks down at M and pulls a blanket up over her shivering body.

"M...are you ok? Can you hear me."

She manages a small nod as medical comes through and Bond lets go of the hand he just realized he is holding. Bond moves to Tanner looking concerned.

"What is going on Tanner?"

"Nigel...he died...heart attack at his club. She took the call while we were readying for your debrief. Everything just seemed to drain out of her at once... she said no...no...no and then I managed to catch her as I saw her begin to faint."

The medics arrive, take blood pressure and listen to her heart as M comes around fully and pushes them away.

"Tanner! I need...I need you to call them...I can't."

"Don't worry M, I will take care of it. Bond, will take you to the hospital to see...I am so sorry M."

Tanner envelopes M in a hug and she begins to shake...Bond feels at a loss on what to do. Tanner is taking control of the situation and he needs to help in someway but he doesn't know how.

"M...let me take you so that Tanner can take care of….other things...notifications."

M reaches for Bond's hand and he takes it and pulls her into a short hug as Tanner hand him her coat and bag.

Bond puts M's coat on her and she manages to take her bag and Bond guides her out the door. Bond knows that she is operating on autopilot right now and will not remember much of what is said to her.

"M...I am so sorry."

M turns and looks at him as they reach the entrance and await the car. Her mouth opens but no sounds escape. She cannot give voice or respond to his condolences...it is too soon and she still cannot believe that he is gone.

Bond can see her try to respond...to form words but instead he nods at her giving her hand a squeeze. For the rest on the trip Bond remains silent...not really knowing what more to say to her in her overwhelming grief.

They arrive at the hospital and Bond escorts her inside.

"M do you want me to go in with you?"

"Yes...please James."

The use of his first name nearly floors him along with the lost look in her eyes...fear but a different type of fear that he saw in Italy or Bolivia. This fear was for what a future holds without her other half.

A doctor escorts M and Bond into the room and removes the sheet from over Mr. Mansfield's head.

M falls back into James as he holds her steady...looking at the body of her husband.

"You and your mother can sign the forms and we will take the deceased to the desired facility."

Bond frowns. "I am not her son."

M seems to collect herself at this point. "This is my associate and I will be handling the arrangements. I would like an autopsy done please doctor."

"Of course and I apologize for my confusion. I will add Mrs. Mansfield that your husband did not suffer. It was instantaneous."

"Thank you doctor...could you give us a moment now."

The doctor leave the room.

Bond is about to ask if she wants him to give her some time as she stares at Nigel lying on the bed cold and unmoving. She does not even turn around but she senses what he is about to say. She touches Nigel's face with her hand...brushing a curl off his forehead.

"Bond...no...you can stay."

"I am here if you need me ma'am."

"I know...and I trust that since you know my name and his that this is a private family matter. You are my new son after all."

Bond smiles at the joke. "Glad to see your sense of humour is still working under these circumstances ma'am."

"If I couldn't laugh at the absurdity of it all...I am afraid I will become hysterical and you will be forced to carry me from the building...I do hate to over react after all."

Bond stands beside her now looking at Nigel. "No one would blame you for it, under the circumstances M. He was a good man...I assume?"

"Yes...Bond. A very good man. It is strange...so very strange...but then you know the feeling...you cannot live life without losing someone and at the time there is a surreal numbness that grips you. Grief...it is such an overwhelming and horrific feeling."

"Yes it is."

"I kissed him goodbye and we were going to have chicken for dinner...this was the extent of our last moments together...why does that make this all the worse?"

"You never know when the last time will be ma'am."

"Yet, sometimes I do with my job….as you well know. Sometime I know exactly when someone is going to die. I never thought about how their loved ones would feel about their last words...until now."

"M...many of the ones I kill do not have loved ones."

"I suppose you're right...I'm still existing in the numbness. I apologize for my maudlin behaviour."

"Never apologize for this M...you loved him and he is gone."

"Yes...gone...alone...grief...despair...I will cry eventually Bond...I just chose not at this moment."

Bond puts an arm around her shoulder and smiles. "I never doubted that you would M."

"And here I thought I had you convinced that I am the queen of ice and numbers?"

"Not about this M...never about family."

"Speaking of family…"

M pulls out her mobile and hits a number.

"Darling...yes...yes...I am...there now my dear. No...come straight to the house….bring them if you like but I understand if it will be too much right now...No I am calling him next. Yes that was Bill Tanner...yes he is a very nice man. I will see you first thing in the morning then. No...that is my job...Tanner and I will make all the arrangements. Bye darling...and Jude...he loved you so very much."

Bond watches a tear slide down her cheek as she speaks to her daughter. Bond can hear the younger woman crying through the phone. He wonders if she will break down now...it is only a matter of time.

Bond swears she will not allow herself to show such weakness, until she is alone...at home...surrounded by reminders of her lost love.

M calls her son...the same conversation and a few more silent tears slide down her cheeks. Her voice wavers a bit as she speaks to her son. Outwardly she is standing well on her own, in the cold sterile hospital room with her dead husband.

After, M is in the ladies room and Bond speaks to Tanner.

"Bill I am taking her home...I will watch over her until her children arrive tomorrow. I will see if she will allow me, you know how she is. I will call you later...we will meet for a drink, once I get her to go to bed."

Their roles are now reversed and Bond will watch over M.

To be continued...


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

M makes her way to the bar as soon as she enters the flat. Bond follows at a curious distance as he enters by the practical means of the front door this time.

"Come in...I will not be good company and you are not expected to babysit me. I will deal with the arrangements in the morning or afternoon depending on when my children arrive."

"It is no trouble ma'am...and I promised Tanner I would watch you. Your guards are not even here yet, and there is no way in hell I am leaving you alone."

M is shocked by the intensity of his proclamation.

"I...well...I...don't know what...this is all so wrong...why now...why him...his doctor gave him an excellent report mere weeks ago...I don't...not prepared for this."

Bond moves towards her and clasps his hands on her shoulders rubbing them slightly.

"I know M...I will only get easier with time. I am going to run you a bath and make you something to eat."

"Bond...you don't have too...I am not your responsibility."

"I know M...but I keep my promises and you should not be alone right now."

Bond moves to her stairs as she sits on the sofa nursing her drink. When he comes back down she is gone...he finds her in the kitchen.

"I told you I would make dinner."

M is facing the sink and holding something...her back to the table. Bond looks at the table and sees a cup and saucer and a plate with the crumbs from toast...a folded newspaper beside the place setting. Remnants of his last meal here.

M speaks but it comes out in a croak. "I need to do things to occupy my mind."

M has a man's cardigan in her hands and she suddenly hugs it to her and closes her eyes as she inhales his scent.

Bond can sense that she is about to break down...and as much as he wants to comfort her he also dreads witnessing it. Seeing the emotional breakdown of a woman that he holds dear...and is unable to really comfort...Bond has never been good at this sort of thing.

"Well you go soak and I will continue here...I put some music on for you and call out if you need a hand scrubbing your back."

Bond distracts M from the last traces of her husband and she swats his arm and chuckles at him, "Bond...behave...after all….I...I"

"What M?"

"Nevermind...it was a joke in poor taste."

"You just became a widow."

"Yes...absurd...how grief makes some of us attempt to become comedians."

"Not at all. I have met many who do the same...laughter to defeat the sadness and it puts others at ease that do not know what to say or how to behave before someone who is bereaved. And anyway...I am not the type of man who cares."

"Cares about what?"

"Weather or not you are a widow...I would still scrub your back, married or not, so just call out if you need me in any way M."

M looks into his eyes to discern what doublespeak Bond is using on her at this moment. He is bloody serious...he would...with her...just to comfort her.

M turns and goes upstairs before she flushes completely in embarrassment.

Bond smirks as he sees her comprehend exactly what he is willing to do. It would never have mattered if the husband lived or not.

James Bond can be discreet.

Bond clears the small table so that she will not have too.

Placing the paper in the recycle and the dishes in the machine he turns to see what food is on hand.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

M's guards arrive by 9 as M and Bond clear the dishes from their dinner.

"M do you want me to stay the night?"

M looks concerned for a moment. "I will be fine...thank you but you do not have to stay and babysit me."

"I will and I really don't mind M. I will keep to the sofa unless you call out."

"I am a big girl now Bond...and I have to get use to an empty house."

Bond doesn't want to leave but she wants him to go. He takes his jacket and as she escorts him to the door he leans down and kisses her cheek.

"Call me should you need anything. Tanner and I will do whatever you need us too."

"Thank you James...this goes above and beyond and I do appreciate it. Let Tanner know for me also."

"How did you know that is where I am off too."

"Educated guess...you are going to meet him at a pub."

Bond's eyebrows raise in question.

"Your phone went off while you were in the toilet."

"I suppose I cannot be mad at the master spy for doing what comes naturally."

"No you can't...not after the amount of times you hacked my file and broke into my home."

"Goodnight M."

"Goodnight Bond and I will call Tanner tomorrow...let him know for me."

"I will." Bond leans down and kisses her cheek again and then disappears out the door. He stops and speaks with her guards before he gets in his car and drives away.

M climbs the stairs to her empty bed, the warmth of his lips on her cheek remains.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tanner and Bond sit at a corner table in the pub. Having a drink in the name of a man neither of them really knew.

"To Nigel Mansfield and his wife...the woman that drives us batty occasionally, but I love her none the less."

Bond smiles and toasts with Tanner. "You love her eh?"

"Yes...I will completely admit after this my fourth or sixth whiskey that I love that woman...bitch that she oft times is...she is amazing...truly incredible...paper workload aside she can analyse a situation and all the possible outcomes so bloody quickly that it makes my head spin."

"She is an incredible woman...and yet they still doubt her don't they?"

"Yes but she is rarely wrong on her gut instincts but...a few of your missions almost were her downfall...she has a soft spot for you Bond."

"Really...I alway think she treats me like a wayward child...unable to think for himself with some of the scoldings she's given me."

"I've seen her look at you...and when you flatlined outside the casino...the colour drained from her in a panic...I thought she was going to faint."

"I had no idea...I wonder if?"

"What Bond?"

"Oh nothing...I offered to stay with her tonight and she looks suddenly panicked."

"You think she fancies you in that way too...I wouldn't worry...M is the utmost professional. She would never dream of harassing anyone sexually. So don't worry Bond...she won't expect you to comfort her in that way."

"I am far from worried over that Tanner...I would in a bloody second...wouldn't you?"

"Yes...I will admit it...if she were willing...christ I would but I don't think I could handle her...I know that she could destroy me."

Bond smirks into his drink picturing Tanner and M...no that does not fit. M needs...what does she need?

Who could fill the void the old man left. A woman like that is not for any average pensioner.

A member of the upper class. A lord or royalty for that matter...that would be the only possible solution. A head of state or the leader of another agency but she would still live the secret life of a spy.

"So you would bed her Bond...but would you be your normal pompous ass self and blab of your exploits You would be a legend at 6 if you managed to seduce her...or if she seduced you."

"I am very discreet...now. Remember she forbade me from sleeping with her staff and I have remained a good boy for all accounts."

"Yes...you just take them to a hotel for lunch...don't think she didn't notice...she sees all and knows all Bond."

"You think she would even let me get beyond a friendly kiss? I have doubts about that Tanner."

"If anyone could...it would be you Bond...I know it."

"I had better get back to work then eh Tanner?"

"What?"

"I have to go watch over her tonight. She is going to collapse from this eventually and I plan on being there to catch her when she falls."

"Don't push her Bond...it is too soon."

"I would never do that Tanner. I still have my doubts about her feelings for me. I have always assumed that she feels nothing more for me than aggravation. I will be a complete gentleman...she needs someone until her children arrive."

"Yes she does. Goodnight Bond."

XXXXXXXXXX

Bond walks right up to the front door, passing the guards that he told before that he would return. All of MI6 is now aware of M's loss.

Bond walks in as quietly as he can and toes off his shoes. M is likely sleeping but he had better check in on her before he passes out on her sofa. The whiskey bottle he and Tanner shared has left him tipsy.

After removing his coat he walks quietly up the stairs of her flat. He know's which room is hers and he listens at the door before quietly knocking.

"Bond...is that you?"

Bond opens the door as M sits up in bed. A sea of used tissues on the floor around her bed. M's eyes are red and puffy.

"I told you to go...I...I don't need you…I don't want you...it is wrong...I need him back...I need to tell him so much….I need to let him know the truth...everything I hid from him...I owe it to him to tell him the truth!"

M's sobs increase and Bond moves over to her to sit on her bed and wrap his arm around her shoulder to give her what comfort that he can.

"I am just here to make sure you are ok M."

"Not...your job...007...leave me!"

M shakes away from his arms and climbs out of bed and points to the door in a sudden anger.

"GET OUT! You cannot be here...it is wrong...this is our bedroom."

Bond is surprised by M's outburst. "M...I'm sorry...I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"You always are here...why are you always here? You invade...my room...my head...increasingly in trouble...go...I can't...the children will be here and you cannot be here."

"Relax M...I will go. I'm sorry about everything."

M is near to hysterics as her sobs, anger and confusion seem to overwhelm her. Bond is right in front of her looking concerned enough to back off when she moves towards him and begins pounding on his chest with her fists.

"Get out...stay out of my head...go!"

"M...what?"

Bond grabs her fists in either hands and twirls her around pulling her back to his body and holding her arms across her breasts.

"M calm the fuck down. I will not hurt you I would never hurt you even if you ordered me too."

M collapses in his arms crying. Bond moves her over to the bed and picks her up and lays the both of them into the bed. She is still wrapped in his arms crying as she stops struggling against him and the sobs subside.

After a while her grief dissolves into the oblivion of sleep. Bond strokes her hair and caresses her back through her silk pajamas, until she relaxes fully in his arms.

As M's breathing evens out Bond smells her hair...and ponders her outburst. That with the memory of that long ago argument he overheard between M and Nigel make him wonder if he should slip out.

But it is so comfortable lying with her in his arms. The drink and the stress from witnessing her emotional breakdown take its toll and Bond slips into a warm comfortable sleep.

M wakes an hour later warm body behind her...it was all a dream. Something is off...the smell...that is Bond's scent.

M twists around as she sees that she is in the tight embrace of James Bond. Her movements trigger movement...he pulls her towards him and mumbles.

"Mmmm...love you...so sorry."

It isn't a dream...Nigel is...gone. She is now in bed with her lover...no they never have but in her mind...M slips back into sleep pondering the concept of lover...what is the definition and does Bond fit that role...they can never be.

James Bond pulls the warmth towards him...M...

To be continued...


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Bond wakes that night still tightly embracing his boss. It is 5 in the morning and he slips out of the room and her home.

Bond does not go to the funeral...in fact he makes Tanner give him a mission. Tanner takes her...stands with her as her rock while the formalities go forward.

A couple of weeks later Tanner informs Bond that the autopsy came back and that Nigel Mansfield was poisoned by a old Chinese Gu poison. There are no clues as to why and the investigation has hit a dead end. M is keeping it very quiet only Tanner, Q and Bond know should anything happen to her.

Bond will keep his ears open and watch over her from a distance when he is in country. Waking in her arms...changed something fundamentally within Bond. He can no longer deny what Mathis pointed out about respect and love.

Regardless his first action was indicative of how Bond handles difficult relationships...he ran. Off on a mission. He could not face her in the morning...ran from her home, even though she may have needed him.

M had woken and turned towards him in the night...she knew he was holding her and she snuggled her face into his chest. She was comforted by his heart beat...his scent or she thought he was Nigel.

Either reason..it was too much for him as he can feel her body pressed up against his. He smells her hair...christ he wants to kiss her...he wants more than that and his body is already far ahead of his brain.

If she woke and flashed those eyes at him...he...he doesn't actually know what he would do...so he bloody well ran.

It is a month before he is called into her office again. For a moment Bond wonders if she will say anything about that night.

M treats him just as she always has...with an exasperated, flippant wave of her hand and argumentative attitude towards his casual flirtations. It would not do for him to start behaving differently towards her now.

There is more of an edge to her now...it is subtle but it is there...she is becoming the queen of ice they always referred to her as.

Bond knows that she is not...she is warm...amusing, wonderful, and oh so soft to hold…

M is now a woman with nothing left to lose and this worries Bond. Tanner says she works 10 hour days minimum, and is in her office on weekends or whenever any calls come in.

They want her retired...she has passed the age, she is now over 65 but still as lovely as the day he saw her on the gangplank watching them train over 10 years ago.

Months after the funeral there is something going on in Turkey and she sends him to back up Ronson…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond is found lying on a beach more than half dead. People care for him...a stranger. Eventually after 3 weeks his is up and around...not whole...but functional.

"_**Take the bloody shot!"**_

How could she...she has always trusted him before?

Fuck her...after all that has almost passed between them...what?

What are they or were they?

Mentor, mother authority figure...almost lovers?

The are like the sun and the moon always close but not ever able to touch. The effect that they have on each other is tidal and powerful, as if they cannot exist without each other. What a romantic joke...

Bond wishes...he dreams that she feels strongly for him but M is made of sterner stuff and would live without him just as she can without her husband.

Let the bitch stew...let her regret her decision, as if her old cold heart can even feel the warmth of his fire.

Damn it! And wouldn't he still like to show her...every look...the tilt of her head...if he cornered her...kissed her with all he has what would she do? She would slap him and tear him a new one...it is the only thing she can do...or allow herself too...why does she have to be such a difficult woman.

This life does not allow for love...M was the exception...she had a love...an understanding man that did not pull the masculine overbearing bread winner card in their relationship.

A man who was smart enough to keep his mouth shut and play the role she needed of him and stay because he couldn't live without her.

What woman would put up with that from Bond?

It isn't just him...none of the 00's have spouses...it is part of the job. Why in hell does Bond crave it so much...ever since Vesper. No not just her...ever since he found out everything he could about M...saw her husband...pictures of family...everything she had but he is denied.

"Take the Bloody shot!"

Fuck it...fuck her and to hell with Queen and Country!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The blinking cursor mocks her on her laptop...obituary for James Bond.

M feels tired all the time...she can barely sleep and she knows they will come take it all away from her soon.

The work is the only thing that sustains her but her heart has gone out of even this. Her time is almost up...she can sense it.

Grief over the loss of the hard drive and two 00 agents...the loss of Nigel...now Bond, it is all so overwhelming.

The woman that looks back at her from the mirror in the bath is not who she really is...it is the old bitter visage of who she has become.

The explosion on the bridge...was meant for her. The end is now...the bell tolls for her she can feel it in her bones.

Bond returns...booze addled and weakened by her mistrust. He hates her now but christ she still...loves him.

Bond is a wreck but she passes him anyway.

Mallory...cocky ass that he is, will be the one in her seat within the next few months and this case reeks of rubbish from her past.

Silva...who the hell is Silva?

M never put anyone away with that name. That face...the name is wrong but the face is familiar.

Hong Kong...it would have to be from then...when he followed her around like a dog begging for scraps. Nigel thought they were lovers but they were far from that.

Obsession never makes for good lovers and M was not about to toss her career away for a tumble in the sheets with the young man regardless of how handsome and talented he was.

Bond is intrigued by him. M understands that he is drawing comparisons...gaging just how far she took this man...to lead him to this.

M is no seductress. She expects loyalty, respect and hard work. It is not her fault that these orphans make the best recruits, and that they place her on a bloody pedestal because she is a woman!

M left him to rot in China and assumed him dead...he did it...he killed Nigel...she can feel it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The damn committee meeting dissolves into chaos. Mallory saves her from a shoulder shot. Tanner helps her out as Bond attacks the room.

They end up in a relic of a car rushing towards her doom. The car is vintage...but then so is she...a remnant from another time...she agrees to Bond's plan to lead Silva away.

Too many have died because of her and that ends now.

Bond will try to keep her alive...safe but she knows it is useless. Perhaps Bond does not hate her as she thought. His feelings for her and hers for him are irrelevant...time is against them...she cans sense it.

It is time for her to join Nigel...she can feel it. Bond will continue the good work...keep her vision alive.

Bond attempts to get her to talk. M can hear his frustration with her.

"Bond...he and I...we were not lovers...not in the traditional sense. He thought we were or would be, but I never crossed that line."

"I...I never thought you would but it does explain some things about Silva...things he said...the way he looked at you."

"Too late for regrets...too old and tired for his revenge."

"M...don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't give in...give up...there are still people who love and need you...your children...grandchildren."

"I just don't see myself not being M and as of this week...I am not going to be M."

"If we take him out...get the lot of them maybe..."

"No...it is too late for me Bond."

"M...I need you to fight...or why the hell am I bothering to bring you all the way up here."

"I will fight Bond...I am not the type to surrender to anyone and I want to see him die...he killed Nigel...poisoned him. I just want to know why...after all of this time. He has obviously been watching us...knew our routines extensively...he could have killed me easily at any time."

Bond frowns at the thought. "He loves you...maybe he wants..."

"Seriously at my age...Bond that is a stretch."

Bond looks at her...their eyes meet. In that moment he tries to convey all the desire he has ever hidden for her. "I would M."

M feels her face flush as she turns to look at the countryside as they head north. "Now you tell me...I could have..."

Bond is surprised..."What M?"

"Well we may have just stubbornly waisted our last 9 months."

"Christ M...don't say that." Bond takes her hand in his and pulls it to his lips. His heart swells with the knowledge but clenches as he reads the signposts...they are almost there.

Dawn is upon them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cold...it is so cold but M manages some last moment banter with her favourite agent...the lover she could never openly love.

Damn if she had been just 10 years younger...she might have fought the darkness off longer...for him...Bond...living but now her life is dead...old...gone and she cannot deal with the loss.

Mallory will be in her seat...there is nothing left to live for but him and that is not enough...she is too old for him. Despite their conversation in the car...Bond was only to ever to be her best agent and that was enough for her.

Silva is dead and she is soon to follow.

_"At least I got one thing right."_

Bond will survive...he is strong and young...smart and able...she knew he would be and she moulded him to survive.

It is too dark...dark and cold here in Scotland.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond saw the way Silva looked at her...it now made sense and he needs to get her away...the man will level London just to get her.

They hardly speak on the long drive...she is lost in her thoughts. What can he say to make any of this better. At the end of the trip...almost to Skyfall she tells him what could have been.

It may not have been for long but they could have tried...that night in his arms...if he didn't run away like a scared child. Damn it they have to find a way...he needs her more than he ever thought possible.

Bond watches as Silva comes towards the house for M...he calls for her...damn it! Silva wants her just as bad...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The house is gone as he drags himself out of the pond to find Silva. Please god...let him get there in time.

Silva is embracing her...how dare he touch her!

Silva stumbles towards him and dies. He is so relieved. M is fine...his world crumbles as she collapses in his arms.

M's cold fingers graze his face. "_At least I got one thing right."_

NO! NO...NO...NO...NO...NO…

Bond hugs her cold body to his wet ice cold one...there is blood soaking through her coat. He looks to Kincade willing the man to do something...to save the woman he loves.

Bond never spoke those words to her...nor she to him. The closest she came to admitting any feelings for him, were the night he comforted her when Nigel died.

Bond once told his friend that he could be her everything...but he wasted his time...squandered in on a beach in Turkey when she needed him. They could have been together...Nigel was gone and he knew she fancied him as more than just her agent.

M was left alone, in pain, grieving for him and the dead husband...the dead agents. It is the only explanation for why she passed him in all the tests...to get him back out there working for her...she needed him and he failed her.

James Bond was too weak for her.

M loved him...and Bond loved her more than he thought possible, but it was never destined to be…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond thinks of her every day. Every time he goes to work. Her voice rings in his memory and dreams.

The dreams are full of freezing cold and the fire of Skyfall.

"_At least I got one thing right."_

It replaced her voice screaming through the com, "_Take the bloody shot!"_

Both live in his mind...pain, misery and cold.

The vice around his heart has not lessened and he doesn't know what to do with his life now. The indecision is eating at him...just as her last beautiful words to him.

Standing on the roof top…Eve joins him. The will was read and M left him something.

Eve thinks it is her way of saying take a desk job.

The British bulldog wrapped in the Union Jack tells him quite another story.

"Quite the opposite actually."

Bond manages a slight smile at the attractive woman. Bond will do it for her...will even call Mallory M just to stay in the field.

It is time to rise again...he has learned his lesson and if this is the job...and he will continue...for her and he will harden his resolve.

Bond will never give up, and never surrender.

James Bond, 007 will continue for M...Olivia Mansfield...the one for whom he gave up his home...his heart...his everything.

The end.


End file.
